Lesson 2: Assertiveness

A. Expressing Our Most Basic Feelings to Others Effectively*

This page lists a few of the feelings that we often have a hard time feeling, identifying, and ultimately expressing. You'll notice that the communications lead-in phrases all began with an “I” statement. One of the most important things about becoming a better communicator involves owning our feelings.  Quite often in our jobs, we might say something like "You made me angry when you were late to work today.”  Rather than "I felt very angry when you were late for work today." Using “I” statements is a good foundation for becoming a better communicator and this page shows several common examples that you can use.

Anger - Blame & Resentment

When I experience anger, I don't like something, real or imagined, that is happening to me. I feel I need to take steps to change this.

Hurt - Sadness & Disappointment

When I experience hurt or sadness I am uusually not getting something I feel I need or want. I must ask for it or go out and get it for myself.

Fear - Insecurity

When I experience fear I am concerned and guarded about the possibility of failure, loss, or pain. I probably need to figure out if these things are really to be feared.

Remorse - Regret & Responsibility

When I experience remorse or regret I am somehow responsible for causing an undesirable result or situation for myself or another. I need to determine if I am truly at fault and ask myself what I can do to correct what has happened?

Caring - Intention, Understanding & Forgiveness

When I experience caring and intend to understand or forgive. I acknowledge these as the ultimate goals of communicating with another.

Communication Lead-In Phrases

*Abstracted from, How To Make Love All the Time. Barbara DeAngeles

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Lesson 2 covers appropriate expression of feelings, assertiveness, and barriers to assertiveness.