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Lesson 1: Awareness of Ourselves, Our Rights
and Communication Issues
H.
The Five SATIR Modes
Virginia Satir is a renowned
therapist and pioneer in the
area of group and family dynamics. Her
books have helped me tremendously with
communication that's productive. Our
family is our first experience as a member
of a group and sometimes our behaviors as
adults are influenced by our family life
growing up. This section describes
examples of ways that we sometimes communicate
and the characters that show up around how
we communicate. These are not necessarily
bad or good. It's more important to
realize that sometimes what this means is
that our feelings and our behaviors - and
the way that we express them - don't always
match. Read about these characters
with that in mind, just as
an observer of human behavior and how we
exhibit various characteristics sometimes.
The Placater
The Placater is frightened that other people
will become angry, go away, and never come
back again. The Placater doesn't dare admit
this, however. Typical Placater speech:
- Oh, you know me - I don't care!
- Whatever anybody else wants to do is
fine with me.
- Whatever you say, I don't mind.
- Oh, nothing bothers me! Do whatever
you like.
- What do I want to do? Oh, I don't know
- what would you like to do?
The Blamer
The Blamer feels that nobody cares about
him or her, that there is no respect or
affection for him, and that people are indifferent
to his needs and feelings. The Blamer reacts
to this with a verbal behavior pattern intended
to demonstrate that he or she is in charge,
is the boss, is the one with power. Typical
Blamer speech:
- You never consider my feelings.
- Nobody around here ever pays any attention
to my suggestions.
- Do you always have to put your needs
first?
- They never think about what I might
want. I've had all of this I'm going to
take!
- You always insist on having things your
way, no matter how much it hurts others!
The Computer
The Computer is terrified that someone
will find out what his or her feelings are.
If possible, the Computer will give the
impression he has no feelings. Star Trek's
Mr. Spock was (except for the troublesome
human side of him that made him so interesting),
an excellent example of a Computer. Computers
talk like this:
- There is undoubtedly a simple solution
to the problem.
- It's obvious that no real difficulty
exists here.
- No rational person would
be alarmed by this crisis.
- Clearly the advantages of this activity
have been exaggerated
- Preferences of the kind you describe
are rather common in this area.
The Distracter
The Distracter
is a tricky one to keep up with, because
he or she does not hold to any of the previous
patterns. Instead, the Distracter cycles
rapidly among the other patterns, continually
shifting Satir Modes. The underlying feeling
of the Distracter is panic: "I don't know what on earth
to say, but I've got to say SOMETHING, and
the quicker the better!" The surface
behavior will be a chaotic mix.
The Leveler
The Leveler is the most contradictory type
of all - either the easiest or the most
difficult to handle. The Leveler does just
what Dr. Satir's term implies; this person
levels with you. When the Leveler is genuine,
there is nothing simpler to deal with-just
level back. A phony Leveler, however, is
more dangerous than all the other categories
combined, and very hard to spot. If we assume
that we are discussing the genuine article,
what the Leveler says is what the Leveler
feels.
If we had five terrified people trapped
in an elevator that had stopped between
floors (one from each of the Satir Modes)
their remarks as the elevator hung there
would be something like this:
PLACATER: |
Oh, I hope I didn't do anything to
cause this. I sure didn't mean to! |
BLAMER: |
Which one of
you idiots was fooling around with
the buttons. |
COMPUTER: |
There is undoubtedly some perfectly
simple reason why this elevator isn't
moving. Certainly there is no cause
whatever for alarm. |
DISTRACTER: |
Did one of you
hit the Stop button? Oh, I didn't
mean that; of course none of you would
do anything like that!It is, however,
extremely easy to do that sort of
thing by accident. Why do things like
this only happen to me? |
LEVELER: |
Personally, I'm scared. |
You will notice one thing about the descriptions
of these verbal behavior patterns. In every
one of them, except for the Leveler, there
is a strong clash between the inner feelings
and the outer verbal behavior. When someone
is locked into one of these modes and cannot
communicate effectively in any other way,
he or she may be in emotional difficulty-again,
except for the Leveler. The Leveler is not
having trouble communicating.
Abstracted from, The
Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. SUZETTE
HADEN ELGIN. Dorset Press, 1980.
Congratulations! You've finished Lesson
1 which is actually the longest Lesson in
the course. Now that you've developed more
awareness, we'll discuss solutions, tactics,
and strategies to enhance your communications
skills.
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