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Lesson 1:
Awareness

Lesson 2:
Assertiveness

Lesson 3:
Criticism, Morale
& Reduced Stress

Lesson 4:
Strategies

Lesson 5:
Moving Forward

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1B
1C
1D
1E
1F
1G
1H

 

Lesson 1: Awareness of Ourselves, Our Rights and Communication Issues

H. The Five SATIR Modes

Virginia Satir is a renowned therapist and pioneer in the area of group and family dynamics.  Her books have helped me tremendously with communication that's productive.  Our family is our first experience as a member of a group and sometimes our behaviors as adults are influenced by our family life growing up.  This section describes examples of ways that we sometimes communicate and the characters that show up around how we communicate.  These are not necessarily bad or good.  It's more important to realize that sometimes what this means is that our feelings and our behaviors - and the way that we express them - don't always match.  Read about these characters with that in mind, just as an observer of human behavior and how we exhibit various characteristics sometimes.

The Placater

The Placater is frightened that other people will become angry, go away, and never come back again. The Placater doesn't dare admit this, however. Typical Placater speech:

  • Oh, you know me - I don't care!
  • Whatever anybody else wants to do is fine with me.
  • Whatever you say, I don't mind.
  • Oh, nothing bothers me! Do whatever you like.
  • What do I want to do? Oh, I don't know - what would you like to do?

The Blamer

The Blamer feels that nobody cares about him or her, that there is no respect or affection for him, and that people are indifferent to his needs and feelings. The Blamer reacts to this with a verbal behavior pattern intended to demonstrate that he or she is in charge, is the boss, is the one with power. Typical Blamer speech:

  • You never consider my feelings.
  • Nobody around here ever pays any attention to my suggestions.
  • Do you always have to put your needs first?
  • They never think about what I might want. I've had all of this I'm going to take!
  • You always insist on having things your way, no matter how much it hurts others!

The Computer

The Computer is terrified that someone will find out what his or her feelings are. If possible, the Computer will give the impression he has no feelings. Star Trek's Mr. Spock was (except for the troublesome human side of him that made him so interesting), an excellent example of a Computer. Computers talk like this:

  • There is undoubtedly a simple solution to the problem.
  • It's obvious that no real difficulty exists here.
  • No rational person would be alarmed by this crisis.
  • Clearly the advantages of this activity have been exaggerated
  • Preferences of the kind you describe are rather common in this area.

The Distracter

The Distracter is a tricky one to keep up with, because he or she does not hold to any of the previous patterns. Instead, the Distracter cycles rapidly among the other patterns, continually shifting Satir Modes. The underlying feeling of the Distracter is panic: "I don't know what on earth to say, but I've got to say SOMETHING, and the quicker the better!" The surface behavior will be a chaotic mix.

The Leveler

The Leveler is the most contradictory type of all - either the easiest or the most difficult to handle. The Leveler does just what Dr. Satir's term implies; this person levels with you. When the Leveler is genuine, there is nothing simpler to deal with-just level back. A phony Leveler, however, is more dangerous than all the other categories combined, and very hard to spot. If we assume that we are discussing the genuine article, what the Leveler says is what the Leveler feels.


If we had five terrified people trapped in an elevator that had stopped between floors (one from each of the Satir Modes) their remarks as the elevator hung there would be something like this:
PLACATER:
Oh, I hope I didn't do anything to cause this. I sure didn't mean to!
BLAMER:
Which one of you idiots was fooling around with the buttons.
COMPUTER:
There is undoubtedly some perfectly simple reason why this elevator isn't moving. Certainly there is no cause whatever for alarm.
DISTRACTER:
Did one of you hit the Stop button? Oh, I didn't mean that; of course none of you would do anything like that!It is, however, extremely easy to do that sort of thing by accident. Why do things like this only happen to me?
LEVELER:
Personally, I'm scared.

You will notice one thing about the descriptions of these verbal behavior patterns. In every one of them, except for the Leveler, there is a strong clash between the inner feelings and the outer verbal behavior. When someone is locked into one of these modes and cannot communicate effectively in any other way, he or she may be in emotional difficulty-again, except for the Leveler. The Leveler is not having trouble communicating.


Abstracted from, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. SUZETTE HADEN ELGIN. Dorset Press, 1980.

Congratulations! You've finished Lesson 1 which is actually the longest Lesson in the course. Now that you've developed more awareness, we'll discuss solutions, tactics, and strategies to enhance your communications skills.

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About this Lesson

Lesson 1 addresses awareness issues. Before you can solve a problem you have to know what it is.

A. Understanding Ourselves: Self-awareness is the first step.

B. Your Personal Bill of Rights:
It's important to be aware of your rights.

C. Suggestions: Here's how to act on your Bill of Rights.

D. Claiming Your Rights: How we sometimes deny our rights and what we can do to reclaim them.

E. Causes of Tension: Learn to identify common causes of emotional tension.

F. Workplace Game: A simple 10-minute game to improve your awareness and listening skills.

G. How Upsets Occur: Identify the 3 main categories of upsets and how to prevent them.

H. 5 Satir Modes: Spotting typical behaviors and learning how expressions don't always match inner feelings.